Gramps :)

So it has been a busy work which was unfortuantely made a lot less busy by the death of my grandfather. He passed away last night and as I sit here typing this we should be sitting in his room talking to him but God saw fit for it to be another way. Dad says they are trying to have services before I leave but we shall see. They all understand that I am not changing our plans too much. He was gramps, not my real grandfather but the only paternal grandfather I ever had. He came into my life when I was about 6 and it gave my grandmother such joy when I started calling him grandpa. Nothing in my life was ever simple and neither was my relationship with grandpa and explaining it to people. Unfortunately if services are not soon Hubbs and I cannot afford to delay our trip. He cannot delay at all and if I choose to it will double our moving costs as well as result in me driving crosscountry by myself. Truthfully I dont want to go anyway. I loved that man and I was so looking forward to seeing him and he hasnt seen hubbs in 7 months but I know he knew I loved him. I would do anything for him and continuosly felt guilty for not doing enough and he loved me for it. Thankfully now the pain is gone, his suffering and sadness is gone, his worry for being a burden on us and his loneliness for outliving 2 wives and then moving 3 hours away at the twighlight of his life. It is all gone. And he is in a better place and I thank god for that. Goodnight grandpa I will see you again someday many years from now but I will join you and grandma and we will all be together again.

Right now as I finally cry since I have been unable to I am thankful for many things. I am thankful for his love and the love he gave my grandmother. I am thankful he stood witness to some of the great moments in my life (college graduation and marriage) that my grandmother could not see from the same perspective. I am grateful how he embraced our family as our own and how he cared and loved us all as his own flesh and blood. I am grateful for the stories even when told ad nauseum for the 100th time because without them I would not know of the war and how he was recalled, he survived polio and learned to walk again, he lettered in baseball in high school and almost went pro but his father would not allow him to play on Sundays. Or that even in her 50s or 60s my grandmother was afraid to let her parents know that she had spent a night in a hotel with a man she was not married to even though as I was told many time nothing happened. I loved this man as my own and I was his granddaughter and to that I am thankful for the love and the light that he brought to my life.